Oh come, all ye faithful…
I was tempted to write this only using Christmas lyrics, but it proved to be challenging–
“I’m dreamin’ tonight of a place I love even more then I usually do and although I know it’s a long road back this is Christmas! Christmas my dear, the time of year to be with the one that you love. It is so hard to wait—I asked the Lord to help me, and he showed me the way.
The story I must tell I—stumbled out the door into the snow, climbed a tree and tore my pants (my little brain isn’t very bright) …these holidays won’t be wonderful.
I stood outside a department store, a gang of kids came over and mugged me. City sidewalks, busy sidewalks (dressed in holiday style), every body stops and stares at me: an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots.
It continued both day and night. You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear these wonderful things are the things we remember all through our lives.
All that I ask when these precious moments pass in cloud, and majesty, and awe, through the years we all will be together.
May your days be merry and bright, right within your heart.”
Challenging (although there are 20 different Christmas songs/hymns above—props will be given to those who can successfully name all 20 in order) and hardly close to true. I didn’t tear my pants, and I wasn’t mugged. Or an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots.
My rubbish doesn’t getty knotty.
In my never ending quest to google these song lyrics (gasp! I know, disappointed. I expected more out of me too), I accidentally clicked on the wrong link. My heart stopped as the page slowly loaded. I was at work, and I imagine a page titled “Santa Claus and the Naughty” would set off all sorts of red flags. What do I do, what do I do, what do I do, I said loud enough for my coworker to inquire what was wrong, and get out of his chair.
Wide eyed, maybe even deer in the headlights if you will, I looked at him. I wiped the sweat off my brow, took a sip of the mountain dew to quench my extreme thirst, and wiped off more sweat.
The page loaded slowly enough that his phone rang as he started to head over, and he excused himself back to his desk.
Phew.
Now at this point you’re probably thinking, well Rumbels, why didn’t you just x-out the window? Truthfully, I was a little interested in seeing who was naughty. And what constituted naughty? One time while playing Grand Theft Auto on Playstation, I picked up a hooker, did an unmentionable act in my stolen car, let her go, and then used brass knuckles to get my money back. If that’s not naughty, its at least hell worthy or something.
So the page loaded, and to my surprise it wasn’t naughty at all. Instead it had information about an urban legend of the popular song “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Being that we share pertinent resources, I’m going to include it in this update:
“The “Twelve Days of Christmas” was originally written to help Catholic children, in England, remember different articles of faith during the persecution by Protestant Monarchs. The “true love” represented God, and the gifts all different ideas:
The “Partridge in a pear tree” was Christ.
2 Turtle Doves = The Old and New Testaments
3 French Hens = Faith, Hope and Charity– the Theological Virtues
4 Calling Birds = the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists
5 Golden Rings = The first Five Books of the Old Testament, the “Pentateuch”, which relays the history of man’s fall from grace.
6 Geese A-laying = the six days of Creation
7 Swans A-swimming = the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments
8 Maids A-milking = the eight beatitudes
9 Ladies Dancing = the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit
10 Lords A-leaping = the ten commandments
11 Pipers Piping = the eleven faithful apostles
12 Drummers Drumming = the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle’s Creed”
This legend was discredited, even though it is a pretty interesting idea. Upon further research, I also learned some versions of the song say “4 Collie Birds,” and Golden Rings refer to another bird with a golden ring around their neck.
Seven days of birds? Sounds like someone is asking for the avian flu. I’d prefer mine from digested chicken, thanks.
And let me tell you, giving 28 birds to someone isn’t the best idea. One year I thought it would be romantical to do a “12 days of Christmas” inspired gift exchange for a true love. I don’t know if it was the six geese-a-laying that pushed him over the top, or the seven swans that were a-swimming in his bathtub. Swimming and pooping. I tried to make it up to him with nine ladies dancing, but the damage was irreversible. And then my true love was gone.
And while giving gifts to a true love is fabulous, this year my giving will focus on the residents we serve here at the Village. Hundreds of new donated gifts are distributed to our families and their children, to provide for many the first Christmas they will be able to celebrate with presents. I’ve been playing one of Santa’s elves for the past month and the crazy part is yet to come.
Just no drummers drumming, please.
